Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Who did Billy Mays play for?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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