How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
