Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
