Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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