She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
