Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
