whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
