I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
