and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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