I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
