She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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