You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
