i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
