is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
