No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
