how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
