Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize