I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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