I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
