Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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