I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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