i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
