in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
