Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The air was thick with penises
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
