i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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