I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
