Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
