rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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