I am puke
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
