pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
