She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
