Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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