You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
