i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
