Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
