I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
