but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She needs sedatives and a leash
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
