i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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