Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Acid is not a monday night drug
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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