I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
