he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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