Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she looked like the before picture.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
