They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
