I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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