Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
