Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize