I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
