You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
