i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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