How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
