i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
