Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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