it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
