first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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