i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize