My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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