Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
