i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Houston, we have a squirter
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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