Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
