Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i need some magic done to my vagina
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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