Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
