so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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